Crave
by slauratwink
Summary: I always had a stupid school boy crush. She was everything a boy could fantasize about and everything a man would want...she was perfection. Long and lean but curved in all the right places. She was beautiful and I ached to have her. But I always knew there would never be anything between us. I was never destined to have her. - Warning: Strong language, death and lemons.
1. Prologue

Prologue

I always had a stupid school boy crush. She was everything a boy could fantasize about and everything a man would want. At first I just lusted after her. I mean c'mon, I was a teenage horn ball and she was amazing. Her body? Oh, my gods, she was perfection. Long and lean but curved in all the right places. She was beautiful and I ached to have her. But then I figured out who she really was and that was a game changer. She was fiercely protective of her loved ones and wildly passionate about everything she cared about. She was warm and loving but if you crossed her she had a wicked temper and a razor tongue. Her beauty made me crave her body but SHE made me crave her.

That's when I started noticing the little things that a normal horny teenager doesn't notice. Like that she had the most beautifully expressive brown eyes. They were deep and dark but they sparked with fire; like twin lakes that reflected the blazing lights of the night sky. And her hair, she wore her thick hair long, and always in big loose waves. I longed to run my fingers through it and I imagined it would feel like silk sliding through my fingers. Yep, I went from lusting after her body to falling in love with her. But I always knew there would never be anything between us. Oh, I imagined, and fantasized and I dreamed but I just knew, in my heart, that I was never destined to have her.

But that didn't stop me from trying to be near her. Every time an opportunity to visit the Clearwater house presented itself, I was there. I stared to take up running and I would jog by the house, hoping just to catch a glimpse. Anything to see her. When Sam disappeared, I was there. Just to see her. When Sam imprinted (although we just thought he was a cheating bastard) I practically moved in. Just to be near her. And when I phased and learned about imprinting from Sam, I asked the gods to give me what I longed for, what I craved. But they did not and I knew I was right. I was never destined to have her.

I wanted her but if she wasn't my imprint then there was no alternative. I could never love her and leave her. I could never do what Sam did. And so I settled into a life of meaningless, so-unattached-that-I-don't-even-know-your-name sex. All while I watched her from my self-imposed distance. I missed her like mad and when I wasn't off finding a piece of ass, I was curled up in the woods behind the Clearwater house, attempting to hide my thoughts from my brothers. I would lay there and listen to her breathing, hear her heartbeat and wonder if she missed me. Probably not, but I liked to think that she did. I liked to think that I held some importance in her life.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Poor Paul, he's got a serious case of unrequited love. I hope you all enjoyed this glimpse into Paul's world. I will be updating with the first chapter in the next few days, in the meantime review if you'd like and feel free to ask questions.<strong>

**Disclaimer: I own my own original characters and storylines, but I do not own Twilight, or any of the characters within the Twilight series. I am just playing around with the Twilight universe and incorporating some of the elements that S. Meyer created into my stories.**


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

It had been a long ass day and I was looking forward to curling up behind the Clearwater house to listen to my girl while I tried to get some sleep. I slipped out onto my back door, ignoring my father as he called to me. He thought I was going through this "rebel" stage and we always argued and fought. I couldn't tell him about any if the wolf stuff so I had to play up the angst-y, pissed off teenage stereotype; it was the only way this would work. I hated it because it was driving a wedge between us but what choice did I have? I heard him push open the screen door as I stepped into the trees. I refused to turn back and he should have realized that it was useless to change my mind. I heard him call for me to come back but I pushed on, ignoring him. I never saw my girl anymore, you know with that self-imposed exile, so this was the only way I could be closed to her. And I wasn't willing to stay away from her just to make my dad happy for one night. It would set a precedent and it would just hurt him more when I took off because I had patrols to do or a vampire to kill.

I shifted into my wolf and moved deeper into the forest. I could hear Sam as he patrolled so I quickly blocked my thoughts from him. I knew he knew where I was going. And I knew he had questions about why I always went there but luckily he already knew from experience I wasn't going to give any answers. It was none of his damn business anyway. When I got to the house I could hear a soft murmur coming from one of the bedrooms. I glanced up at the window before twisting in a circle over my spot and plopping down. I saw Sue silhouette pass the window and I imagined she was talking with Leah. Probably trying to her to eat or drink something since she's been sick for the last few days. I settled my muzzle on my paws and I had just barely closed my eyes when Leah's voice erupted into the night. She was suddenly frantic to get outside and Sue panicked, trying to keep her in bed.

"I don't want any fucking soup! And I don't want to lie down! I need to get out of here." I could hear Leah move to get up but the Sue spoke up.

"Leah, baby, you're sick. You have a high fever. You need nourishment and rest. You're not going anywhere, so lie back down." I heard rustling and I hoped it was Sue getting Leah back into bed but then suddenly Leah exploded again

"Fuck that! I'm done being here, I need to leave. Get out of my way!" Then I heard what could only be described as a sickening thud and Sue cried out in pain. I jumped up as a door upstairs quickly slammed open and then suddenly Leah was barreling down the stairs. My thoughts slipped into the pack mind before I could phase out but I never heard Sam's response because a second later I was pulling on my gym shorts and racing into back yard.

I saw through the back down that Harry had meet Leah in the kitchen, blocking her path into the back yard. She looked wild and deranged but Harry didn't back down.

"What in hell do you think you're doing?! What happened up there?" Leah didn't bother to reply, instead she just turned on her heels to head to the front door but she stopped short as Sue flew down the stairs. I was relieved to see that Sue wasn't injured and I could see Harry's shoulders sag slightly in relief as well. Leah turned back to Harry and I could see the panic in her eyes, she felt trapped. I recognized that look. It was exactly how I felt just before….suddenly it dawned on me, Leah is seconds from phasing!

I was stunned but my feet pushed me forward. I had to get to her before she did it. Before she hurt one, or both of her parents. But I was too late. I watched in horror as her body flew apart and suddenly her wolf stood in her place. I was two seconds too late, my hand was on the door and she just exploded. Harry stumbled back away from her, crashing to the floor as Sue let out a blood curdling scream. It was pandemonium.

Leah let out a mournful howl as I wrenched open the door and quickly put myself between her and Harry as she thrashed around. I heard Sam's answering howl from the forest and I knew he was trying to get her calmed. I quickly chanced glanced at Sue, huddled near the staircase with fear in her eyes. They flicked from Leah to me and then to Harry behind me. I didn't hesitate a second longer, I had to get Leah outside before anything else happened so I put out my hand and talked softly to her.

"Lee, everything is going up be okay. We just need to get you outside. Just listen to Sam and he'll help you." She was huge, not nearly as huge as me or the other but as a man, I stood 6'4" and I was at eye level with her. I watched her as I carefully backed to the door and pushed it open. I knew Sam was just in the cover of the trees that lined the Clearwater's backyard and I watched Leah's eyes shift to him just before she bolted through the door. I was about to follow when a panicked voice pulled me back and I turned to see Sue hover over Harry as she started chest compressions.

"No, no, no, no! Don't you do this to me Harry. Not now, now when I need you!" She glanced up at me and I could almost feel the pain in her eyes but she didn't let it slow her and she quickly barked an order at me. "Call 911!"

I heard a painful howl rip through the air as I jumped to the phone and made the call. Once I explained everything I urged Sue to let me take over until the paramedics arrived. I could last a lot longer than she could and as I performed CPR on Harry I begged the gods to fix this, to make this right. I couldn't give the woman I love anything I wanted to give her because it would inevitably lead to pain. But I begged for the spirits to let me give her this. Her world was changed forever as it was and losing Harry would be a devastating and heart crushing blow.

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><p>After all the chaos and commotion. After the paramedics got Harry stabilized and loaded into the ambulance. After Sue gave me orders as she rushed out the door. After I called Emily to pick Seth up at his friend's house and take him to the hospital. After I packed a bag for Leah with several changes of clothes I went outside and finally phased to go in search of Sam and Leah.<p>

Once I shifted I was assaulted with Leah's guilt and anguish. Guilt over what she'd done and anguish over what was going on with Harry as well as the anguish of having to deal with Sam. My heart broke for her. I could feel Sam's concern and worry for her but he really was doing her any good. He was only aggravating her further.

"Sam, why don't you meet them at the hospital? I'll help Leah get back so we can get up there."

"I don't think it's a good idea for her to be that close to people."

"She'll be fine. We'll be with her."

"It's not safe, the situation is bad enough..."

I quickly interrupted Sam; Leah did not need to hear his shit right now. "C'mon, man. You're only making this worse. Phase out and let me get her calm."

Leah's thoughts were a frantic jumble, filled with anger, hate, fear and pain and Sam's presence in her mind only amplified those emotions so it would be impossible to get her calm enough the phase. Sam reluctantly agreed and eventually phased out but not before ordering me to stay with Leah. The second he was gone I focused all my attention on Leah.

"Lee? A run will help. I can stay right with you."

"This is so...what's going...where's my dad. Did I kill my dad?! Is he…? I'M A FUCKIN' WOLF! I'm a god damn motherfucking wolf and I killed my dad!" She was panicked and half crazed. Her fear choked me. I could feel her start to crumble as she paced back and forth in front of me.

"NO, Leah! He's at the hospital. You heard the ambulance, remember? You and your wolf did not cause Harry's collapse. And I know the whole wolf thing is difficult to understand. I know it's too crazy to grasp. And we'll explain it all later but right now you just need to run. Run with me to the hospital so I can get you back with your family. They need you." Suddenly she took off like a shot and I struggled to keep up with her.

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><p>It took hours to get Leah calm enough to phase back but she was determined and I honestly thought that was the only thing that made it possible. It took Sam weeks, Jared and I days to phase back, but Leah's family was on the line and she was not going to let them go through this alone. So I watched her like a hawk as we made our way to the ICU. Everyone but Sue was gathered in the ICU's waiting room. Sam and Emily along with Jared and his new imprint we're huddled in the corner staying away but silently offering their support. Billy and Jacob along with Chief Sawn and his daughter were sitting with Seth, Billy and Charlie were swapping stories about Harry in an attempt to distract the youngest Clearwater. As soon as Leah and I walked in everyone stopped and focused on us. The sudden attention cause Leah to tense and I knew Sam was trying to determine if Leah could handle this but other than that slight tensing she showed no signs that she was in the verge of losing control. Billy quickly explained that Harry made it through emergency open heart surgery. He had to have 4 major blockages bypassed but he was still under and not breathing on his own yet so Sue was the only one allowed to see him. I stuck close to Leah, waiting to haul her out of the hospital if necessary but she simply fell into a chair next to Seth and held onto him for dear life.<p>

Hours passed by slowly. Everyone stayed, no one wanted to leave in case the unthinkable happened. As I listen to Billy and Charlie tell stories about Harry I pleaded with the gods to give my girl and her family what they needed.

Leah and I were the closest ones to the door that lead back to the ICU so we heard it before anyone else became aware. A cardiac monitor sounded its alarm. Someone one was flat lining. Leah froze next to me; I couldn't even hear her breathing anymore. There was havoc behind the ICU doors we could hear nurses and doctors running. People yelling for meds and crash carts but through it all I register someone talking calmly to another person

"Let's give the doctors some room to work?" Suddenly the door to the ICU burst open and a nurse was slowly backing Sue out into the waiting room. Leah and Seth rushed over to their mom, and thanks to the Alpha order I was forced to quickly follow. Sue's gaze never broke from the door as she held her children while we listened to the doctors fight to get Harry's heart going again. Two minutes went by, then ten. I was agonizing, the tension was thick and I could feel pain and grief radiating off of Sue, Leah and Seth. Twenty minutes and Sue started to move forward but in the next second Leah stopped her.

"Call it."

"Time of death, 5:28 AM"

Confusion and panic filled the waiting room as the doctor's footsteps drew closer to the ICU door. I turned to see my girl's tear filled eyes as she glanced at me just before the doctor walked in. But in that painful, chaotic moment, everything fell away when my world shifted and I felt a brief moment of peace before incomprehensible regret and grief slammed into me and sent me to my knees.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I'm so excited that people are interested in this story! It pushed me to get this chapter written and posted so I hope I don't disappoint. Review if you'd like and feel free to ask questions.<strong>

**Disclaimer: I own my own original characters and storylines, but I do not own Twilight, or any of the characters within the Twilight series. I am just playing around with the Twilight universe and incorporating some of the elements that S. Meyer created into my stories.**


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

The gods were some sick twisted mother fuckers. This is not what I asked for when I begged them to give my girl what she and her family needed. How could they rip one man from her life only to force another one in? Pain wracked through my body but it was a pain unlike anything I've ever known. It consumed me. Hell, it disabled me and I struggled to push my way through it so I could just stand on my own two feet. I was barely aware of the complete and utter chaos that surrounded me. My girl's pain was drowning me but before I had a chance to overcome the initial shock of everything that just happened I was suddenly being pulled from the room by an invisible source. I couldn't even catch my damn breath before I was compelled to leave and follow Leah as Sam and Jared hauled her from the hospital. I had no control over myself and I watched Sue as I was forcibly pulled away from her and Seth. I needed to stay with her! I needed to try to do something to ease her pain. I knew logically there was nothing I could do but I could at least stay with her. I could at least give her someone to lean on.

That god damn alpha order! Sam still hadn't lifted it so when he and Jared hauled Leah outside I was forced to go. I watched Leah as she pushed through the hospital doors and took off toward the trees. She barely made it before she lost all control and was being forced to go along for the ride. I wanted to argue and remind Sam of the order but there was no time. She phased and took off so all I could do was try to keep up. I thanked the gods Leah didn't notice my thoughts before I could block her out. That was the last thing she needed to see and I was sure she would kill me the second she realizes what happened between me and her mother.

Leah was half way to La Push by the time Sam and Jared phased in and I was struggling to keep up with her. She was fast and fueled by grief and guilt. No amount of talking would stop her and in the end Sam had to order her to stop, an act the caused her to panic immediately. A mournful howl ripped through the early morning air as she finally crumbled.

"What's happening?! Why can't I move? Why is this happening?!" Leah's voice wailed through the pack mind.

"You had to stop Lee-Lee..." Sam didn't have to finish his statement; Leah could see his thoughts play out. Her rage was explosive.

"So you fucking commanded me to stop?! Who the fuck gave you that right?! Fucking let me go! And quit calling me 'Lee-Lee', you don't ever get to call me that again!" She was seething mad and we could all see her thoughts. If she wasn't rooted where she stood she would have ripped into every one of us.

"Sam, just let her run, man. Leave Jared with her and just let her have at it until she feels like she can face everything." And no sooner than I said it I had them protesting my suggestion, their voices overlapping.

"I don't need anybody to stay with me."

"Why me? Why not you?"

"I'm not leaving her to run off by herself, she needs me with her."

"I DO NOT fucking need you, Uley! Get the fuck over yourself."

I had to snort out a laugh at that. Yeah, Leah needed Sam around like I needed a hole in my head.

"Look, Sam, Lee needs space, time with her thoughts...without you around. Jared is the most unobtrusive so she can think in peace. And I need to get back to the hospital. Sue and Seth need to know what's going on with Lee...we can't just leave them to wonder what's happened and I doubt they'd take any news from you well." When I mentioned the hospital and her family Leah let out a whimper further proving my point.

"Once I talk with Sue and get them settled at home I can come back out and run with her." I could see Sam weighting the issue and I knew he wanted to stay with Leah but they were like gasoline and fire and that was far from what she needed right now.

"Fine! Lee-Le...Leah, you can go. Jared, stay with her but give her some space and howl if you need us. Paul, go talk to her family, let them know what's going on." Sam trotted off as soon as he was finished giving his "orders". He was not happy about it but he was just going to have to deal with it. He knew as well as I did, under the circumstances, this was the best option.

Once Sam was gone Leah finally felt free enough that she was able to start focusing on her thoughts and then she was gone. Jared and I exchanged a look before her turned to follow her while I headed home for a change of clothes so I could get back to my imprint.

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><p>I had been frantic to get back here to her. I knew she needed me whether she knew it or not and I needed to be there got her. But standing here, now, with her and her son just on the other side of the door I hesitant. I didn't know what I'd find when I opened the door. I didn't know how she'd react to my being there. I hated the whole situation. It was beyond fucked up. Don't get me wrong, I've wanted Sue for a long time and I am thrilled that the gods saw what I did, that she was perfect for me. But it came at a huge price and as much as I wanted her, I never wanted her at the expense of Harry. Never.<p>

I took a deep breath and pushed through the waiting room doors to find Sue clinging to Seth's hand as Billy spoke with her. She was nodding almost absentmindedly as Billy explained that he'd help her take care of all of the arrangements. I notice Chief Swan and his daughter stood off to the side with Jacob as I approached Sue.

I didn't even think as knelt down by Sue's feet and took her free hand in mine. The touch of her skin was unlike anything I've ever felt before. Usually people are cool to me but her skin held a heat to it, it was a gentle, passive warmth but it was comforting. Almost like the feeling you get when you're home. I could feel Billy staring at me as I glance up at Sue and I wondered briefly if he could see the same look in me that he saw in Sam or Jared when they looked at their imprints. I wanted to look but I refused to look away from her.

"Sue, let me take you and Seth home." I tried my damnedest to keep the pleading tone down but it showed anyway. She stared to shake her head but I gave her hand a gentle squeeze to stop her and I dropped my voice to a whisper. "We need to talk about Leah."

She didn't speak at all and her nod was small and barely noticeable but it was there none the less. She agreed. I gave her a small smile as I brushed my thumb over the back of her hand. I thought for sure she's pull away from me but she didn't so I keep her hand in mine as I stood and helped her get to her feet.

We were almost to the door when Billy spoke, authority ringing in his tone. "Lahote, as soon as you see them settled can you swing by the house?" Shit. I knew it was not a question or even a request, his tone made it clear on that but I smiled and nodded for everyone else's benefit as I left the waiting room with Sue and Seth.

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><p>The drive back to the Clearwater house was the longest of my life. The cab of my truck was tense and the grief radiating from Sue and Seth was suffocating. Of course, it was probably because I could feel Sue pain as my own. But as long as the ride was, it was too short too. Having a single cab meant that Sue was next to me and that warmth I felt from her earlier was magnified. All I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and hold her. But, of course, that was not going to happen now, if it ever happened.<p>

As I pulled into the drive I glanced over at Sue and then Seth. He muttered something about being in his room as he hopped out and ran inside. I figured Sue was going to get out as well but she just turned to me.

"Where's Leah?"

So we're doing this here. I nodded to the trees off to our right. Leah wasn't right there at that moment but she was out there somewhere. I watched as Sue turned to look, her eye searching.

"How did you know?" She spoke without looking at me.

"I'm the same. So are Sam and Jared Cameron." Her eyes shot to mine as she backed away from me. It was a minute movement but enough that I noticed.

"Is she okay?"

She was worried. My posture dropped and I reached for her hand again. When she didn't pull away I slowly rubbed my thumb over the back if it. "As okay as she can be, considering. She just needs to sort through things before she can control herself enough to phase back. Jared's with her now and I'll be out there as soon as I'm done at Billy's."

She sat back and turned away from me to watch the tress. I didn't push her, or try to rush her; I just held her hand and listened to the steady rhythm of her heart as she processed what she learned. She was silent for so long that when she finally did speak she startled me.

"Don't let her get hurt, Paul. We've already lost too much."

"I'll try my damnedest." I knew better than to make promises I had no control over, even if I did want to make them just for Sue. I wanted to protest when she slipped her hand from mine and slid away from me and toward the passenger's door.

"Thank you, for your help, Paul. We appreciate it." That was way too formal for me. It was like and automatic wall went up between us as soon as she dropped my hand. I didn't want declarations of love and all that but I did want her to know that she could lean on me. I wanted her to know that I would be there to help her. I reached across the cab of the truck and grabbed her hand as she slid off the seat. She turned her wide, surprised eyes to me and I could see the question in them.

"Sue, if you need anything...at all, I'll help you. Anything. Just call me, okay?"

Sue gave me a tight smile as she pulled her hand from mine and stepped away from the truck, slamming the door. "I just want my daughter home, safe…so, we can deal with the loss of Harry as a family."

All I could do was nod. She made it clear that the only thing she needed from me was my help with Leah.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I'm sorry it took me a while to get this chapter up and for those of you rooting for Leah I'm sorry to disappoint; I wanted to do a different kind of imprint story. I hope y'all will still enjoy it!<strong>

**As y'all can see, the majority of this fic will be in Paul's point of view, however I'm starting to think there may be times when Sue's pov will need to be heard so y'all can expect an occasional chapter from her.**

**Review if you'd like and feel free to ask questions.**

**Disclaimer: I own my own original characters and storylines, but I do not own Twilight, or any of the characters within the Twilight series. I am just playing around with the Twilight universe and incorporating some of the elements that S. Meyer created into my stories.**


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